Life can be truly and utterly exhausting. Sometimes life throws every curve ball it can at you, making you weak in the knees. Sometimes all you want to do is break down and cry. Truthfully, we all go through this at different times and in different stages in our lives and to put it in the simplest terms, it really does suck. Sadness is an emotion we all process in our own ways in our own time. Have you ever felt like a burden on others for simply feeling sad? Have you ever felt like your emotions are not only draining you, but also those around you? Perhaps you’re used to hearing, “I don’t need this negativity around me, good vibes only!” or perhaps it’s “You’re always so negative, why don’t you just try to be happier?” When our loved ones make these types of disheartening comments, many times they really do think they come from a place of love and positivity. But the truth is not all positivity is actually positive; and these cruel words really affect us a lot deeper than we think.
This trend of judgment is called toxic positively. Toxic positivity is when no matter how dire or grim someone's current circumstances may be, they are still encouraged to think happy thoughts and to be joyful. We are faced with this dilemma in our society because we are taught that being positive all the time is the only way to lead a happier, healthier life. And while staying positive is certainly so crucial to having a flourishing, more stress-free lifestyle, by concealing our emotions, we aren’t allowing ourselves to process the pain of sadness and grow from it. Instead, we withhold it deep within, and we let those emotions dwell within us. By allowing this toxic positivity to saturate our bodies, we are allowing our energy to become more and more negative, which leads to a life filled with conflict and grief; and oftentimes, it can affect our physical health too. By encouraging this kind of venomous “positivity”, we are invalidating the feelings of our loved ones who are grieving, and we are not letting ourselves embrace and grow from our own somber emotions. We need to encourage optimism over positivity. You can’t always stay positive, but you can always stay hopeful.
Genuine optimism is instead of telling your loved ones to be happier, its saying, “I see your pain and its okay. We will get through this together.” It’s reaching out a familiar, warm hand when someone you love feels alone. It's being a support system for our loved ones. It’s allowing yourself to grief completely and fully through the lowest points in your life. Pain is awful, and grueling and so taxing, but we need to process it in order to become better, more well-rounded people. So, when you hear someone tell you to “Get over it!”, or “It’s not that deep to cry about!”, always remember whatever you are feeling is valid and no one can tell you when it’s time for you to stop processing your pain. Healing is something we all do differently and in extremely varying amounts of times. Remember to remind your inner circle they are loved and deserve to heal. If your pain has become too much for you to process on your own, and you cannot reach an in-person therapist, therapy websites like Talkspace are great resources to talk to real licensed professionals. No matter what you are processing at this point in your life, remember to go easy on yourself, take care of yourself and try to embrace the love you have for yourself and others around you. You are not alone. #toxicpositivity #genuineoptimism #love #pain #healing #selflove #selfreflection
